I Mean This, Forever
by Cannibal Glow
Summary: Frerard, of course. " “Huh?” I sat up, once again too fast, and saw Gerard leaning against the door frame in just a pair of pyjama pants, smoking a cigarette. And that was when I passed out. "
1. 1

**Oh my word! It's my first Frerard. From back in the day. Well, just a little while ago. But the smutty bits aren't so great. The P.O.V. goes like this: Gee, Frank, Gee, Frank, etc...**

Aw, Frank. His concentrated face is by far the cutest thing I've ever- Oh! Shit! Right, I have to sing.

"DROP THE DAGGER AND LATHER-" I held the microphone out to the crowd to let them finish the rest. Halifax was quite the crowd. Lively bunch, despite the small venue we were in. I snuck one look at Frankie. He was to my left side, strumming away. I could tell he was getting tired, the rhythm was getting slack. Not that the crowd cared. Toro gave him a look and Frank straightened up and tried harder. I decided to be merciful and give him a break.

"Before we go on singing the rest of this song, I want you to do something for me. Can you?!" I yelled, getting a large collective scream.

"Good! Because," I started pacing the stage like I always do, "I think we need some more participation. This is _weak_! Give me another scream!"

I looked over at Frank again while the crowd was yelling wildly. He smiled at me gratefully, shaking out his right arm. I looked to my right at Ray, he was shaking his hair out. Mikey was plucking timidly away at his bass in one general position. Bob was giving me a backbeat. "Awesome! ALRIGHT! ONE, TWO, THREE, GIVE ME A SHOT TO REMEMBER!"

The rest of the song went as planned. Utterly uneventful. Then I caught Frank strutting up to me while he was playing the rhythm part to Teenagers. He started rubbing his head on my shoulder, something people took as a 'Frerard' moment, but it was actually a sick prank. He was wiping the sweat off of his forehead, something he knows I hate. Though when he smiles at me in apology, I can't even remember what he's apologizing for.

Teenagers, Cancer and Mama all went by without a hitch. That frustrated me. I like a bit of turbulence in the shows we play. Makes it fun. But when we started our last song, Famous Last Words, (in an attention-stealing attempt, no doubt) Frank swung his guitar behind him and hopped on over to me during Ray's solo. He looked up at me, he being about five feet five inches compared to my five feet and eight inches, and I knew what he wanted. He wanted us to kiss.

Nothing major, we'd done it before. It was mainly to fend off homophobia and stir shit up with the fan girls we've got, but little does Frank know that I look forward to it every show we do. When we don't I do really feel empty. And I shouldn't! For God's sake, we're both married men, but I can never shake the feeling of… Christ, I don't even know what you'd call it. I don't want to say 'love', because I'm in love with my wife. But with Frank it's something entirely different. It's like, I love his spontaneity. With Lindsey, (Or Lyn-Z, as most people know her from her band Mindless Self Indulgence) it's the boy-girl love. Boy wants girl. Boy gets girl. Boy makes out with girl in front of tour bus. Boy marries girl shortly after. Blah, blah, blah. With her it's so typical! Not that I don't mind typical, not that I don't love Lindsey, far from it. But imagine if she were like Frank! I'd never know what to expect. Ever.

I leaned down to give Frank what he wanted- and what _I _needed. This time, I felt something peculiar. Normally, we'd use our own tongues in our cheeks to make it look like we were making out, but Frank's tongue was running along my upper lip, making me part it from my bottom one. His tongue slid in, tapping mine and begging for some sort of a reaction from me, and I definitely gave it one. I was the one to stop the epic kiss we'd just had, unfortunately, as Ray's solo was about to end, and the rest of the guys were looking at us with stares that we both had gotten from them before. When Frank and I got heated, they'd look at us like 'Stop-that-or-people-will-think-you're-gay'. Which was definitely _not _the case.

The crowd cheered for Frank and I, like they always do when we do stuff like that. But a kiss is just a kiss. Obviously not for the fans, and I found that funny.

I sang the rest of the song and ended with "We are The Black Parade, and we are _honoured _to present you with My Chemical Romance!"

The crowd roared for us as we exited the stage to the dressing area we'd set up behind it.

"'Kay, guys," said Ray, as he always did, "we've only got Blood to get ready."

So the five of us stripped down and got into some street clothes, jabbering all the while. "Gerard, good vocals. Just remember to actually _sing _some of the old songs. The new listeners might not know them." Mikey rolled his eyes, though there was a hint of truth in his voice.

"Fine, Mikey. Just for you. I will not ask for any audience help. _If _you move around when you play."

"No deal!" Mikey got defensive. He was self-conscious since he fell onstage that one time.

"Well, then I'll let the old fans feel special." I stuck my tongue out and I heard Frank's unmistakable giggle. I glanced over to see him in just boxers, slipping on a pair of skinny jeans. Those ones in particular made him look shorter than usual. But it wasn't that that made me lose my breath. His boxers were of the tight variety.

Frank heard my sharp exhale and turned to look at me. "Gee?"

God, I loved it when he used my nickname. "Frank?"

"You okay?"

I grinned. "You don't want the answer to that. I still think the pun is funny."

"Ugh," he groaned. "Go ahead."

"I'm not oh-fucking-kay!" I laughed out loud. Yes, I am the king of cheese. Think nothing of it. "Thank you, Frankie." I said, sweet as could be. Not that it fazed him. He was married to Jamia. Cute couple, they were. Though Frank made up most of the cute part.

"Whatever, 'Rardy."

"Guys, you ready?" Bob was brushing out his hair. He'd let it grow while we were on tour and long hair got sweaty. _Fast_. Take it from me; during my… darker years, I didn't really care about my hair. In hindsight, it looked hideous. But Frank always told me to grow it. That's the only reason I did.

Maybe I should clarify. Frank and I had a thing before we got big. Back in the days of Pencey Prep and me trying to make it as a comic book artist. Every so often we'd kiss and go on dates, but we decided to call it quits by the time we formed My Chemical Romance. It would have made everything so complicated. I know he dropped his feelings for me, but I still felt for him. Even after he and I married our wives, every day I'd remember what he tasted like, felt like. It was torture, but sweet.

Blood ended and we all strutted back on stage to perform as My Chemical Romance. Those shows were all about the music, not about the stage antics. This was no exception.

"Thanks, Halifax!" I blew some kisses to the crowd and walked off, displeased with the end of the show. The music, singing, the crowd was the only thing that kept me from thinking about Frank. Why had he kissed me for real? Wasn't that cheating? And then I felt like something had punched me in the gut. Lindsey! Shit. Not good.

"Good one, guys. Except me." Mikey congratulated, then sulked.

"What?!" Ray looked at Mikey in disbelief as we left to the car that would be driving us around to this place called Cape Breton island. It wasn't too far from Halifax, and we needed some chill time where no one knew us.

"It's true!" Mikey cried, sliding into the back seat. "I totally fucked up the bass line in more than one song."

"Nobody even noticed. I didn't." Bob shrugged.

"Definitely." Ray assured.

Mikey grinned. "Good. I felt like such a dick, screwing up all the time."

"Naw!" Frank replied from the passenger seat. "You're crazy, Mikey. Did you hear me during The Sharpest Lives? I got tired halfway through. Thank god Gerard here," Frank rubbed my knee since I was beside him, driving. "covered for me. I thought my frickin' arm was gonna fall off!"

"Any time." I grinned. That was one of my strong points. My smile. I'd gotten compliments on it from everyone, so I figured, why not flaunt it?

I hoped I wasn't seeing things when Frank turned a shade of pink. Within a matter of minutes, the three guys in back were asleep, leaning all over each other. I drove down a tree-filled stretch of highway, trying to get a glance at the scenery but the fog was too heavy, as was the darkness of the night. Frank startled me when he sighed.

"What's buggin' ya?" I asked. It was obvious he wanted me to.

"I miss Jamia, is all."

"Aw, Frankie. I miss Lindsey, too."

This was the truth. I hadn't seen Lindsey since we'd played in the States. Our Canadian part of the tour was taking a long time. Like, a month. Horrible stuff. I could see the repression on all of our faces, living for a month without our girls. Even _Bob _was getting antsy. And he was supposed to be the chill one! Frank and I are the wilder ones so we were both off the wall.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" Frank asked.

"Yeah. Here." I moved closer to him, daring myself, pushing my limits. "Sleep on my shoulder."

"I'm cool. I want to see the trees."

"Frank," I said pointedly, "you can't see the trees. And my shoulder is more comfortable than yours."

Frank laughed and leaned his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes. Hazel, like mine. After an hour or so, I needed to shift my position but Frank's head on my shoulder, while causing unnecessary weight and heat, was enough to make me sit still and drive for another three hours. I found a drive to a beach and parked when I hit sand. I slid out from under Frank's head and walked out to the water. The Atlantic. I sighed, and jumped a little bit when I heard the car door slam.

"Gee? Why are we stopped?" Frank rubbed his sleepy eyes.

"I ah, just thought it was pretty out here."

"It is."

"How're the kids doing?"

"Sleeping soundly. It's just us."

Just us. I grinned at that. "Well, what do you intend on doing?"

Frank took off his shoes and started fumbling with his belt buckle.

"Huh?!"

"Relax. I'm just gonna take a dip. It looks gorgeous in there. Wanna join?"

"Eh. Why the hell not?" I decided to silence the heterosexual voice in my head and stripped down to my boxers, but leaving my shirt on.

I am ever the self-conscious fat kid, even though that was in high school, so I felt jealous when I saw Frank's toned muscles flex and relax as he ran into the ocean.

"Gerard? Aren't you coming in?" Frank asked eagerly, as he turned around to face me with a grin.

"Uh, yup. Just give me a sec. How's the water?"

Frank spun around and went into the water, ankle-deep. "F-f-freezing! You'd love it!" He ran out farther and dove under the waves.

I walked in casually, all the hair on my body standing on end when my toes touched the waves. I almost yelped. Frank must've saw the look on my face, because he giggled and ran back.

"You cold?" Frank shook his wet hair onto me.

"N-n-now I am!" I stuttered, teeth chattering.

"Aw, sorry. It does kind of look like you're smuggling raisins." Frank said, smiling and nodding to my chest.

I crossed my arms. "Which brings up the question of why you were looking at my nipples." I smiled.

"Because they're sticking out of your shirt. Which I think you need to take off in order to experience the water!"

"Think again."

"Oh, come on, Gerard. It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"That was ages ago!"

"History sometimes repeats itself."

"Y'know what?" I challenged.

"What?"

"Fine!" I stripped off my shirt and ducked under the water, feeling every inch of my body getting covered by icy salt water. Instantly, I regretted it. I can be so stubborn sometimes.

I popped out of the water to meet Frank, who'd been following me into the waist-deep water as I swam.

"There. Was that so hard?"

"C-can I not answer that?"

"Alright. God, Gee! You look so cold."

"It's because I kind of _am_!" I snapped, shivering. "Crap, we should head back. Maybe my jeans are warm…"

"You know what keeps _me_ warm?" Frank raised an eyebrow, making me more uncomfortable.

"What does?"

"Kisses."

My heart thudded. "Do they work really well?"

"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

"Iunno." I shrugged. I never was good with wildlife. It scared me. Especially meese.

Frank looked up at me, rolled his eyes, and tilted his head. I leaned down and met his lips with mine. He was definitely right. His kisses _were _warm. Then I felt something not so ordinary. Not even when we were 'going out', if that's what you could call it. His hand swished in the water towards the waistband of my boxers and was about to slip under it-

**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**

Some asshole honked the car horn, scaring Frank so much he took his hand out of my pants and stared at the source of the noise. It was Mikey, that much we could see. I wondered how much of us _he'd _seen. Ah, crap.

Frank and I swam to the shore and put our clothes back on, not saying a word to the other. I had a feeling that we never would. Frank liked to keep things like this to himself, as did I. It was probably out of pure sexual frustration from not seeing Jamia for a month solid. I only went along with it because I hadn't seen Lindsey in a month, as well.

Or, at least, that's what I tried to make myself believe.


	2. 2

_Shit, Frank! Why?! Why would you do that?! _I cursed myself for making that stupid move on Gerard. It was completely obvious that he didn't love me. At least, not like I loved him. _He's probably all wierded out! Crap! What if he never wants to talk to me ever again?! _My mind was going a hundred miles a minute as we pulled up to our cabin by the beach. I hadn't spoken a word to Gerard or Mikey since the ocean thing. I wondered how much Mikey saw. Could he tell where my hand was? Augh! Bad Frankie! Bad!

And now Gerard has me acting my complete opposite. Normally, I'd say stuff like 'Oh, fuck that. Gerard went along with it, he's as guilty as I am', but I couldn't shake this. It was like if you'd drank sixteen cups of coffee and had a… moment… with your best friend.

I climbed out of the car and stretched, feeling short because I was right beside Ray. "Did I miss anything on the drive?" Ray asked, casually as could be.

"Uh, nope. Unless you've got a thing for trees and fog." I shrugged. There. That was more like me.

"Good. I didn't want to have been all uncomfortable for nothin'."

"Nah. It's cool."

Bob was the next one out. He shook out his hair and cracked his joints. Mikey followed, and I had to look away. I knew he knew. About Gerard and I, that is. Ugh, how clichéd. _Gerard and I_. I was starting to disgust myself. Speaking of disgusted with myself, where was Gerard?

I looked around the cabin, nothing. So I went to the deck. No sign. Could he still be in the car?

"Gee?!" I called. "'Rard? 'Rardy?"

No answer. I started to get worried, so I checked the car. There he was, hunched over the steering wheel, making shallow breaths. There were only two activities that I do by myself that make my breath heavy and shallow like that, and I don't think he would do activity number one in public, because that's illegal. Which meant…

"Gee? Are you… crying?"

"G'way." he muttered to the dashboard.

I ignored that. "Come on. You can tell me." I gently pulled the passenger door open and slid in.

Gerard sniffed. "Then, yes, I am crying. Could you kindly leave me to it?!"

"I can't." I sighed. I'm too much of a sympathetic guy. Knowing he was crying, alone, in a car, in the cold would make me insane if I got to be in a warm cabin.

"Why not?" I could tell Gerard was struggling not to sob in front of me.

"Because…" _Okay, Frank. Don't sound like a girl. That much of yourself, at least, you can keep. _"It just bugs me when my friends are upset." _Good try. Close, but no cigar._

Gerard sniffed again, and he failed to hold back a sob. "Hey, shhh. Gee, it's okay. I'm sure that whatever's wrong is gonna be alright."

Gerard turned away from me and pounded his fist on his thigh. "No, no it _won't_!"

"Well I can't help you if you don't tell me what's the matter."

"I don't want to" he paused to sniff, "tell you."

"Okay," I put my hands up, like I was surrendering, "fine. You don't have to. But I'm not leaving this car unless you leave with me."

Gerard growled. He refused to look at me. God, was I _that _terrible?

After about ten minutes, he stopped crying and he turned to face me. I actually almost started crying, myself. His black hair was matted around his face, his eyes bloodshot, his face bruised (probably from smacking it against the steering wheel. He does that when he's mad. Smacks his head against stuff). I felt horrible, knowing that I was the one who made him cry. I didn't know what else to do, so I held my arms open.

Gerard gratefully fell into them. "Shit!" I exclaimed. I hadn't meant to, but leather jackets are cold against bare arms! I really regretted saying anything because Gerard pulled himself out of my arms.

"Sorry." he muttered.

"No, no. You're just really cold. Come here." I held my arms out again, this time anticipating that I was going to be frozen half to death.

Gerard sighed and leaned back into my arms, shoulders laying back on my stomach. I hope he couldn't feel it turning with excitement. I pulled away the matted hair from his face and awkwardly put my hands to work, stroking his forehead. My mom used to do that to me when I was little and upset. I dunno, it always helped me. Gerard smiled and closed his eyes. "Your hands are warm."

"Are they?" I was surprised. I'd been in a freezing car, hugging a freezing Gerard.

"Mhm." Gerard sighed contentedly, reaching an arm behind him and rubbing my thigh, which caused an uncomfortable stirring elsewhere. That really does not feel so great in tight pants.

"Uh…Gerard?"

"Yeah?" He smiled mischievously, not letting up.

"Could you um," I let out an exhale, I didn't realize I was holding my breath. "not?"

"Why? It's keeping my hand warm."

"Yeah, well, I think the guys are looking for us." I lied, but I really didn't need the discomfort of a hard-on in skinny jeans.

"Fine." Gerard sighed, the drama queen that he is. "I'll see you in there."

"Yep." I gave a tiny nod and watched him walk into the cabin.

_Alright, Frank. Just think about baseball… There we go. _I got out of the car and went into the cabin, back to my room. I tried unpacking, but my hands were too shaky to open drawers. I made up my mind to go and make myself some food, because I hadn't eaten in quite a while.

I saw Mikey in the kitchen, eating some cereal. "Hey, Mikey."

"Hi, Frank. We don't have any food, unfortunately."

"But you're eating cereal."

Mikey shrugged. "It came with the house. It's really, really stale. Want some?"

I laughed. "No, not really. Not anymore."

"I don't blame ya." Mikey crunched a spoonful of the stuff. "Can I ask you something?"

_Oh no, oh no. Oh. Fucking. No_. I braced myself. "Shoot."

"You and Gerard…"

"Uh-huh." I started to shake.

"Well, the two of you both cut your hair like… recently. Should I?" Mikey tugged his hair.

I almost sighed, I was so relieved. But of course, I couldn't because then Mikey would suspect something was up. I took a chair across from him. "S'up to you. It looks good to me." I reached across the kitchen table and ruffled his hair.

"Hey!" Mikey laughed. "So what was up with you and Gee in the water?"

I froze. "What do you mean, Mikes?"

"You two were like, kissing."

"Oh, _that_. We were just practicing for a stage routine."

Mikey looked sceptical. "Really."

"Yep. You were all asleep, and we had to practice _some_where."

"Huh. Alright. It's kinda late and I'm getting tired. Think I'll turn in."

"Yeah, okay." I said, defeated. Mikey knew. I think everyone knew. But whatever! It was just one little kiss. Forget what happened in the car.

I sighed and buried my face in my hands. Stupid Gerard. Messing me up.

"No, yeah. Of course I miss you!" I heard Gerard's voice from the hall. Speak of the devil.

I turned to look at him. He was on his cell phone, with Lindsey, probably. "Not so much longer. Where? I'm on the east coast of Canada. No, no. The _east _coast, sweetie. Like, Nova Scotia. Yeah! I'm totally right by you. Well no. No, stay there. It'd be better. I probably smell like crap, I wouldn't want you to- Well you won't love these pheromones in particular. Well it's late. Huh? No! I'll wait til I get home. Okay, okay, I promise. We'll do that. So, it's late. Yeah, I know I said that. I meant that I want to sleep. O- Okay. Alright, alright. Love you too. Gotta go. Bye."

I looked up at Gerard's exasperated face. "Trouble in paradise?" I probed.

Gerard shook his head. "Nah. She just gets clingy when I'm not around. She's like, afraid that I'm gonna find some other girl." He rolled his eyes.

"Woah. Someone sounds kind of insecure." I offered.

"Yeah. Ah, well. I love her anyway." Gerard smiled as he said it.

I wish I was able to smile back.

"You want to call Jamia?" Gerard asked, handing his cell to me.

"Well if I did, I have my Sidekick."

"Yeah, but my cell has a good long-distance plan."

"You don't mind?"

"Naw!"

Gerard slid the phone to me across the table. I flipped it open and dialled my house. Thankfully, Jamia was up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, baby."

"Frank!" I smiled at her excitement. "How are you?"

"Good, good. You?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

"It's a bad time to talk, Frankie. I was just about to fall asleep."

"Oh, crap. I'm sorry." I felt like crap for disturbing her.

"No, no, it's okay. Now I'll have pleasant dreams about you."

"Oh, god. Now I _really _miss you."

Jamia laughed. "Well I should get to sleep."

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. See you soon."

-Click-

I felt a pang in my stomach. I don't know why. Maybe it was because I missed Jamia so much and talking to her made it worse, or maybe it was because Gerard was staring at me from across the kitchen.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked, mocking me.

"Nope. She was about to go to bed and I didn't want to interrupt her."

"I see."

"Yeah."

Gerard smiled at me for no reason whatsoever and I grinned back. God, I love his smile.

We were interrupted by good ol' Ray. "Do we have any food?"

"Nope." I replied.

"Seriously?!"

"Yeah."

"Ay, Bob!" Ray yelled.

Bob came into the kitchen. "What?!"

"D'you want to go pick us up some food?"

"Where the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"Uh…"

"Drive around for a bit. You'll find something. And Ray, you should go, too. You're the one that wants the food." Gerard suggested. "Maybe you could wake Mikey up and bring him along. He knows what we all like to eat."

"Cool." Ray and Bob went to Mikey's room to wake him up.

"Gerard?!" I hissed. "What're you doing?"

"Getting us some alone-time. Relax."

"Alone time for what?"

"Talking, T.V, singing, it's up to you."

Oh, that was cruel. If it were up to me he'd be underneath me right then and there, grabbing the ends of the table to stop himself from-

"We're headed out." Bob announced to Gerard and I. He and Ray had collected Mikey from his bed.

"Cool." Gerard waved. "Have fun."

"Same to you. You sure you don't wanna come?" Mikey asked us.

Cruel again. "No, we're okay." I answered.

The three of them left, and Gerard and I were silent until we heard the car leave the driveway.

"Okay," Gerard said, sitting across from me, "let's talk."


	3. 3

I had so many things running through my head that I really needed to sort them all out with Frank. It wasn't supposed to be like this, he wasn't supposed to see me crying. I hate being vulnerable like that! Ugh, and my face was _killing_ me. I really do need healthier habits when it comes to being mad. I'm horrible at being practical.

"About what?" Frank looked calm, but his words were shaky.

"Tonight might be a good place to start."

"Okay. Go ahead."

"Well," I paused, mulling over my words, "I'm confused."

"That makes two of us."

I laughed. A twenty-six year old and a thirty-one year old who had no idea what they were doing. "Huh. Okay. So there's that."

"Oh, that was some great clarification." Frank rolled his eyes.

"Okay, fine. If you want to be a smartass about this, then…" I trailed off, getting out of my chair.

"Stay." Frank ordered.

"Alright." I sat back down.

"I have a good point to bring up." Frank suggested.

"Okay, shoot."

"WE'RE _MARRIED_!"

"Oh, gee, thanks. Couldn't have figured that one out."

"Sorry. But, you know, we are."

My heart fell. "Yeah, I know. So I take that as a no."

"A no?" Frank looked confused.

"You don't feel anything for me."

There was a pause.

"Well," Frank cleared his throat, "uh, no."

Unsurprisingly, tears sprang to my eyes. I was jealous of Frank's ability to say something like that firmly. "Good, because I don't, either. That'd be weird." I practically winced at every word I said. I can never believe myself.

Frank laughed. "Yeah. Definitely weird."

"So, uh, I'm gonna turn in. G'night, Frank."

"'Night, Gee."

I sulked away to my bedroom with no intention of actually _sleeping_. I dug out my notebook from my suitcase, anxious to write some lyrics. But nothing came to mind. Shit. Maybe sleep would be good. I lay down, fully clothed, and thought of Frankie. Of course he didn't love me. I was stupid to think he did. His hand slipped in the water, he was just being a nice guy in the car. That's just who Frank is. What would make me so special? Fuck.

I felt something staring at me, so I opened my eyes. I found a big pair of hazel eyes looking back at me.

"JESUS, FRANK!"

"Shhh! Sorry. I thought you were awake."

"I was."

"Oh."

"What is it that you wanted?"

"To… apologize."

"For what?!" I demanded.

"For, uh, for lying to you."

"What'd you lie about?" I was confused. Did he divorce Jamia?

"How I felt."

I raised an eyebrow. Still confused.

"Gerard!" Frank stood up, annoyed. "You don't get it?"

"I do not. Could ya maybe spell it out?"

"I don't know how I can make myself any clearer."

I slapped a hand to my forehead. "You could just go ahead an outright tell me."

"No, I can't. And I'm sorry again."

"For what?"

"Wasting your time." Frank sulked out of the room.

I grumbled and turned over, trying desperately to sleep. But it was light out before I could actually manage to.

I had a series of messed up dreams. Mostly about Frank, though. One was about zombies coming to kill me, but the Frank ones were more grave. In one, he died before I got to tell him how I felt. In another, we were having some really awesome sex; that was cool. In my last one, _I _was the one who died before I got to tell him how I felt. I'm even tragic in my subconscious. Depressing!

I didn't actually wake up until about four o'clock. The guys were all gathered around in the living room, watching T.V. I couldn't look at Frank more than once, the way he was sitting on the floor made him look so fucking adorable. Plus, I didn't know if we were on speaking terms or not.

"Hey, look who's up!" Ray nodded to me from the couch.

"Mm, hi." I mumbled.

"We bought loads of food," Mikey enthused. "And coffee. Of course."

I smiled appreciatively. Mikey knew me too well. I shuffled into the kitchen and put on a fresh pot of coffee. I sat up on the counter and breathed the aroma in, almost tasting the coffee. Yes, I'll admit, in place of alcohol and drugs, coffee has been just as bad. But it's not something I'd need an intervention for.

I was interrupted by someone coming into the kitchen, and when I saw who it was, I nearly fell off the counter.

"Hi." Frank said, looking at the floor.

"Hey."

"How's it goin'?"

That was very Frankie. Making small talk no matter what. "Shitty. You?"

"Same." he sighed.

"Oh. Well that sucks."

"Yeah." Frank scuffed his sock feet on the tile. "Listen."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry, once again, for how I acted yesterday."

"Don't sweat it! I had no idea what you were talking about, so we can just erase that."

Frank giggled. "Cool. Hey, the four of us were gonna camp out on the beach tonight, and we were wondering if you wanted to come, too."

I thought for a minute. It did sound like fun, aside from the sand that would undoubtedly make its way into my hair, my mouth, _every_where. "Uh, yeah, sure. You guys got room for me?"

"Gee! We're My Chemical Romance. We don't just leave out our Frontman."

"Well I just thought that since I didn't really contribute to anything today…"

"You needed sleep. I actually," Frank paused to laugh, "heard you dreaming last night."

Shit. "Oh, did you?"

"Yeah. You talk really loud in your sleep."

"I do?" My stomach churned. Frank could have heard my raunchy sex dream! Crap.

"Yup. So I heard you screaming because of the zombies, and I checked on you. Only I think the zombie dream was over. Because you were thrashing around screaming for me?"

"What, uh," I cleared my throat, "what kind of screaming?"

"Sad screaming. I think I might have gotten kidnapped or died, from what I gathered. Thanks for caring."

"Oh, don't mention it."

"And so I stuck around, you know, to make sure you didn't hurt yourself. You had these two other dreams, one of which, I think _you _were the one who died, and in the other one, well…"

"Well what?" I pretended I didn't know.

"You were kinda…" Frank trailed off.

"Go on."

"You were, ah, moving about quite a bit. And moaning. So, I left to give you some privacy, because whoever was in that dream was giving it to you pretty good."

"I didn't mention names?" I chuckled.

"Nope. But might I say, you turned me gay for a sec when you were moaning like that."

_HUH?! _"Gee, thanks. That wasn't weird at all."

"My compliments are twisted. You'll learn to love 'em."

I decided to be bold. "I already do."

"Thanks. So, ah, we were gonna leave soon. Actually, now. We're all packed, so come on!"

"Cool!" I enthused.

The guys and I got in the car, Bob being the one to drive. He parked in this remote corner of the beach and we unpacked. I noticed there were no tents or anything. Just blankets. Which meant I'd be getting up close and personal with sand. Ew.

I set up my little sleeping area, I was in the middle, beside Frank and Mikey. Crap. Being beside Frank was going to be an issue. He was such a cute sleeper I could hardly stand it.

"Gee?" I heard Ray's voice from behind me.

"What?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah, sure."

Ray led me to the car and I leaned against the door. "So," he began, "what's on your mind?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell when something's bugging you. You just get different."

"I miss Lindsey, for one."

"That's not all."

"You're right, it's not. But it's something I'd like to keep from the rest of the band."

"That's not healthy, Gee."

"I know. But since when was I ever healthy?" I smirked.

"Touché."

Ray and I trudged through the sand to find Frank, Bob, and Mikey in the water. Frank was being his normal self, bugging the shit out of Bob. This time he was throwing globs of sand at Bob, while Mikey was trying to restrain him. I could hear his boyish laugh. God, help me.

Ray was stripping down and running in the water with the rest of them. I decided to roam along the sand. Nothing but confusion had happened since I was in that stupid water. And it was quite another thing that I picked sand over water.

"'Rardy!" I heard Frank call my name from the water. I just waved and smiled.

"Come in!" he cried.

"Fuck no! It's cold!" That wasn't the only reason I didn't want to go in.

"You went in last night!"

The rest of the band, Mikey in particular, was staring at me now. I sighed and undid my belt buckle. "Fine, Frankers. Just for you." I left my shirt on like I had done before, and ran in to join my best friends.

It was all fine and dandy until Frank insisted I take my shirt off, because even Bob had. I refused, and then, out of nowhere, Frank yanked off my Misfits shirt. "Christ!" I exclaimed, shivering.

"Oh, you're okay."

I smiled, Frank rolled his eyes. He knew full well what was coming next. "I'm not oh-fucking-kay! How many times do I have to tell you?!"

"A lot more!" Frank splashed me with a great big handful of saltwater. I sputtered and coughed and tackled him onto a sand bar. We were having so much fun, we didn't notice that the rest of the guys had gotten out of the water and towelled off and dressed.

For a guy who didn't love me back, Frank could steal my attention faster than an MSI bassist.


	4. 4

_How could I lie to him? _I thought, laying next to him, hearing him breathe. I actually, right-out, straight-faced told Gerard I didn't love him. What the fuck is my problem? But now I knew for sure that he didn't feel anything for me. That was kind of a comfort. At least he felt alright. And I cared about his well-being before mine. And it was kind of nice to know that he had a hardcore sex dream about me. Yeah, I lied about that one, too. I actually did hear him moaning my name. 'Frankie- ah, oh God! Mmmmh'. He was quite the clear sleep-talker. I didn't leave to give him privacy, I left because I couldn't take it anymore. If I would have stayed in that room for one more second I would have woken him up and made that dream come true.

I tried desperately to sleep, but I couldn't. It was probably only about ten minutes, but I'm a very 'head-hits-the-pillow' kind of guy. Maybe if I cried it'd help me sleep, but really, I hadn't cried in years and years. Crap. It was gonna be a sleepless night on the beach for Frankie. Joy. If I swam, it'd make the night go faster. But is swimming at night safe? I wasn't sure. You at least needed another person and you'd probab- _What was that?!_

I felt a hand creep around my waist from Gerard's direction. This was it! He was finally making a move! I knew he felt the same way about me, that he saw through my lie. "Gerard?" I whispered shakily.

No answer. I turned over and saw Gerard breathing heavily, eyes shut, mouth open. He was asleep. Fuckin' A. No breaks for me. I have to endure getting felt up by Gerard in his sleep because, of course, he wouldn't do it if he were awake. Then again, I didn't have to remove the hand. Wait! That was just sick. Of course I had to move it. So, gingerly, I took his large hand and heavy arm and moved it back over to him, where it belonged. Then Gerard's eyes fluttered open. Shit.

"Frank?" he whispered.

"Sorry," I whispered back, "your arm was around my waist."

"Was it?" Gerard yawned. "My bad. You felt like a teddy bear."

I loved how he was a babbling idiot when he was sleepy. "No, it's cool. Go to sleep." I cooed.

Gerard nodded and shut his eyes. What wouldn't I give to run my hands through his hair and pull him to my face. Feel his mouth sucking on my lip ring. I sighed. Not even sexy Gerard thoughts could lull me to sleep, like they always did. They made for some lovely dreams, too. Drag.

Gerard's breathing got heavy again, and his hand slipped back around my waist. I sighed in annoyance. I rolled over to shake him awake, but discovered he already was. "G- Gee?" I stammered, like the smooth guy that I am. Insert eye-roll.

"Yeah?" I felt his fingers splay and explore my ribcage.

"Um… what're you doing?"

"What does it feel like I'm doing?"

I sat up, moving his hand. "Can we at least do that someplace else? The guys are right here."

"That's fair."

Gerard sat up and reached out his hand for me to take. He pulled me up with ease and laughed. "You shrimp."

I rolled my eyes and still held his hand as we walked to the car. When Gerard wasn't looking I pinched myself. It hurt like fuck, but it proved I wasn't dreaming. Woah.

We got to the car, and Gerard took a pack of smokes out of his jacket pocket. He lit one and offered me a drag. I took it gratefully. I hadn't smoked in a day, and I was going to need to be about as relaxed as I could get.

"Nice out, huh?" Gerard said, though it sounded stressed because he was holding smoke in his lungs.

"Yeah. You can see the stars out here. Very different." I commented, then took a drag on Gerard's cigarette. It tasted like him.

Gee exhaled. "I like it, though. It's all… rural."

"Remember when we used to talk like this?" I held my breath, passing the smoke to Gerard.

"Back in the days where you were barely legal and we'd get smashed, do things we'd regret?"

I exhaled, trying not to get smoke in Gerard's face. "I don't regret anything."

Gerard took a long drag, almost finishing the smoke. "Me either."

Unexpectedly, he grabbed the back of my head, bent down to me and pulled my lips to his, exhaling the smoke into my mouth. I breathed it in and he backed off to lean against the car. Oh, how he loved to tease.

I let the smoke out through my nose and leaned beside Gerard. We didn't say anything, just looked at the stars. Gerard was actually the first one to talk. "Time's it?"

"Like," I checked my Sidekick, "midnight."

"Shit, I thought it was earlier. I was actually able to sleep tonight, except for just now."

"Oh, good. Well, not the waking up thing but the-" I stopped myself abruptly. I was babbling.

Gerard grinned. "You're cute."

I almost passed out from lack of oxygen to my brain, due to the fact that I forgot how to breathe. Once I remembered, I said "You, too."

Gerard bit his bottom lip. I had a feeling that he somehow knew it drove me crazy. "So," he flicked the cigarette onto the ground and put it out with his foot. "What do you wanna do?"

I felt a twinge of excitement. It was obvious that Gerard didn't want to sleep anymore. Neither did I. "I wanted to ask you something."

"G'head."

"You were lying, too, right? About not… feeling for me?"

"Oh, no. I could care less about you, Frank. That's why I've been coming onto you this entire trip."

"Oh." I sighed in relief, glad that one of us could joke about it. "Good. Because I, um, I hate you, too."

"Glad to hear it." Gerard smiled broadly as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. I wasn't going to be the one to tell him that his wedding ring was crushing my knuckle.

"What do _you _want to do?" I asked, a mischievous grin on my face.

"I think you know."

"I don't think I do."

Gerard opened the back door to the car. "I'll show you."

I slid in and scooted as far back as the small car would permit. I knew we shoulda left this car and taken the tour bus. We were roughin' it. I noticed a bug on the window as I felt Gerard on top of me. He kissed me gently at first, but his kisses got more and more desperate, as did mine. I almost tore his poor jacket off, and I heard the seams of my shirt splitting on the way off from the way he was sliding it off. Gerard kissed all over my chest and stomach, we both found out that I liked having my bellybutton area kissed. Quite a bit, if you get me. My stomach was glistening from his trail of kisses, and I decided it was his turn. I ran my lips along him, dipping my tongue into contours I didn't know he had. His breathing became shallow and I felt a slight poke near my stomach. Something hadn't been aired out in a while! I undid Gerard's belt and pants and started to give a certain region of him extra attention with my hands, when I felt something vibrate. And it wasn't me.

"Fuck!" Gerard opened his cell phone and tried to steady his breathing. "Yeah?" he said into the phone.

"Oh, hey there, Linds."

I rolled my eyes and sat back, listening to him talk. "Nothing much, yourself? Aw. You'll be fine, I'll be home in a couple days. You won't be lonely then, trust me."

My stomach got nauseous.

"Of course not! It's just me and Frank right now. Wanna talk to him?" Gerard held me the phone. _Oh no he just fucking did not! _"She wants to talk to you." he mouthed. I snatched the phone.

"Hey, Lindsey. How are ya?"

"I'm good. I miss my baby, though. I bet you miss Jamia!"

"Lots. And don't worry, I'm taking _goooood _care of your baby." I knew she wouldn't get my subtle hint.

"That's good. Mind if I talk to him?"

"Nah. Nice talking to you, Lindsey."

"You too, Frank."

I shoved the phone wordlessly to Gerard. "Hey. Oh, you are? Okay. G'night. Mhm, you, too." he mumbled as he snapped the phone shut.

"Sorry, Frank." he hung his head.

"It's okay." It wasn't.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Gerard got a knowing look on his face. "No, it isn't. I'm so sorry about that. And if you don't want to go through with this I understand."

It was hard to take him seriously when he had a boner. I suppressed laughter and replied "Nah. It's okay. Really. It was just kind of a mood kill. I can definitely get back into it."

"Let me help you." Gerard smiled seductively, pushing me over gently and kissing my bellybutton. I giggled, leaning into him more than I already was. My eyes fell shut as I felt Gerard's mouth working downwards to my lower half, but I felt like we were being watched. I opened my eyes to see a shadow coming towards us.

"G-Gerard?" I stuttered. It's hard to be coherent when someone is sucking you off. It really is.

"Uh?" he muttered.

I held back a moan. "Stop!"

He wouldn't, and the car door opened. Bob was standing there, like a deer in headlights. He immediately turned and walked away. Gerard sat up and buried his head in his hands. "Fuck." his shoulders heaved.

I rearranged myself so that I could put my pants back on. I rubbed Gerard's bare back, letting him sob freely. I knew it wasn't me. I knew it was him being reckless again making him upset. "Shhh, shhh. It'll be okay. You can trust Bob, he's good with stuff like this. Come on, now."

"No, it won't be oh-fucking-kay!"

I couldn't tell if it was a joke or anger. That was the thing. I decided not to say anything more, just rubbed his back until he calmed down.

"What's our excuse?" he asked me.

"Uh… I s'pose we were both tired and, uh, frustrated?"

"That's the truth, Frankie." Gerard grinned weakly.

"Well then I got nothin'."

"Shit. Um, maybe we were just experimenting. And that now we have no feelings for each other."

"We don't?!" I was horrified.

"They have to believe it. We don't." Gerard kissed my cheek and put his shirt, jacket and belt back on.

I slid my shirt over my head and climbed out of the car. I was definitely tired enough to sleep, but Bob, of course, wouldn't let me. He was there, halfway between Gerard and I and the makeshift beds.

"What the fuck?!" he hissed.

"Bob, look," I started, fumbling about in my brain for the right words. "we didn't mean for it to happen."

"Yeah," Gerard interjected, "we just wanted to see if those staged kisses meant anything. But we realized, just before you got there, that they didn't. It's okay, Bob, you can go back to bed."

Bob grumbled at us and went back to sleep. Gerard sighed. "Oy, that was close." I sighed.

"Too close."

"Oh, don't say that." I said, sounding more desperate than I intended to.

"'Kay, one more kiss and I gotta get to sleep. I don't wanna fuck right now, I'm too upset."

"Okay." I was shocked that he would have wanted to screw me otherwise. Fuckin' Bob.

I pecked his lips slightly, knowing what his reaction was going to be. "That wasn't a kiss!"

"Show me one, then." I challenged.

Gerard sighed with a hint of annoyance, but also some mischief. He looked around, reminding me instantly of Dallas Winston from the Outsiders. I rolled my eyes at the insecure tough-guy. Then he grabbed me by the back of my head like I was used to at this point, and forced me into a kiss so passionate that I went limp.

"Now, _that_, baby," Gerard imitated an overly-hetero guy, though he ended up sounding like Humphrey Bogart, "was a kiss."

"Yeah, it was."

"And eh, maybe later, under better circumstances, we could um…" Gerard bit his lower lip again, grinning with boyish pleasure.

"Elaborate, please?" I squeaked breathlessly, not caring if I sounded like a thirteen year old girl.

"You'll just have to find out." Gerard winked at me and walked back to his blanket, wiggling his hips a bit, just for me.

I eventually followed him back, laying down. I managed to fall asleep, thinking about what we'd do 'under better circumstances'.


	5. 5

_Oooooh, my back! _I blinked my eyes open into the sun, seeing people off in the distance. I then woke up a little bit and realized the source of my pain; a rock that was lodging itself in the small of my back. It had to be around ten o'clock, because the rest of the guys were sleeping. Frank had a satisfied grin on his face, even in his sleep. Why wouldn't he? I was doing the same stupid thing. I could tell that much, even if I couldn't see it. Frank must have felt me looking at him, because he opened his own eyes and smiled at me.

"Hey." he whispered with a yawn.

"Hi, there. You have fun last night?"

"Lots. Thanks, Gee. It was beyond great." Frank stretched out.

"It's no problem." I winked at Frank and shifted over to see Mikey drooling onto his pillow. I sat up, and took my blanket with me. I rolled it up and stuck it in the trunk, and sat down, leaning my head against the trunk, thinking about the night before. Holy shit, was I ever brave. I could barely ever make the first move on _girls_, but Frankie?! When it was staged, it was easy. I knew he'd go along with it. But back here, last night, I had no _idea_. I think that's why I was so forceful. To make sure that he had no choice in the matter, and when he was dizzy from my kisses, he'd eventually succumb and let me screw him. We'd both get our jollies and we'd never do it again. Ideally. But, of course, the world pitted against me when I was about to get my way. Or my Iero, rather. The ever lovely mood-kill called Lindsey had to call to inform me she was lonely. Cripes. And then, of course (now _here's _the kicker), Bob opened the car door for some stupid, unexplained reason! Like what could he need? It was probably just an investigation, Frank was making some pretty loud noises.

I was lost in my mind until I heard some sets of footsteps coming towards me. They belonged to Mikey and Frank. Mikey looked at me strangely, did Frank tell him or was I just being paranoid? Jesus, if this was what cheating felt like afterwards, I think I'll take my chances with monogamy. It'll suck, but-

"Hey, Gerard." Mikey grinned at me.

"What's up?" I asked casually, getting up from my sitting position against the trunk.

"Nothing, you?"

"Same. Sleep well?" I intended to ask Mikey that, but I caught a smug smile on Frank's face. God, that little guy got cocky. It was kind of cute, actually. I wonder if he did that when he got into _Jamia's_ pants.

"Yeah. The beach is loud at night, though! And Ray talked in his sleep."

"Really?" I inquired. "I found it pretty quiet. And I didn't hear Ray."

"Mhm, I think some couple was over on the other side like, having sex or something. And then the car doors were like opening and shutting, ugh, it was bad. When I started to get back to sleep, Ray had a bad dream, so he was like, mumbling. I am never, ever camping on this beach again."

"That was long winded." Frank quipped, grinning.

"Shut up." Mikey shoved Frank with his shoulder. Frank was almost knocked over because of the beanpole that Mikey is.

Frank tried to fight back to no avail. Mikey held him off and I snagged him by the waist. He kicked at me all the while, fighting to get back to Mikey to, apparently, 'show him what's what!'. Ray and Bob woke up then, taking their sleeping stuff to the car where Frank, Mikey and I were arsing around. Bob shot me a stare that could have wilted a flower. It could have been because I was practically dry-humping Frank, but that was because he was the one doing the squirming. Illusion, I say! Or it could have been because he was wierded out by the sudden taste I had acquired for Frank's nether-regions.

Ray didn't seem to notice anything, but that was Ray. He had gotten beyond used to me and Frank groping each other onstage on a regular basis. Ray was the accepting one in our bunch. I told him when Frank and I first started going at it, I told him when I still had feelings for Frank. That's what Ray was, our secret box with an afro. He never told, he never judged.

I let Frank go when Bob stopped staring, though his face was still like ice. I don't suppose I was giving him the nicest of looks either, but he was totally the one who started it. See if I cared if Bob was a judgemental dick. For the time being, anyway.

"So," Ray mused aloud, "what's the plan for today?"

"Good question. Why don't you ask Gerard? He's good at finding ways to spend his time." Bob said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Ray shot Bob a look, as did Mikey. Frank and I just looked at each other. Frank looked pissed off and I'm pretty sure I did too. Bob wasn't one for the touchy-feely stuff. Not that he was a homophobe, we all knew that. He was just not used to Frank and I being together offstage. Yuck, listen to me. I sound like a woman. We weren't _together_, he just let me near him long enough so I could give him head. To be 'together', you at least have to- Oh, whatever. One-shot deal. That's all.

"Well, Gee?" Frank looked up at me with big, pleading eyes. He wanted me to suggest something to get the guys off our back. I was kind of pissed that he went along with Bob.

"We've only got one more day here before we gotta leave, I say we go home, shower, and mosey around. Maybe beach it up again?"

"Ooh! Sounds fun." Mikey grinned. "I'm definitely coming to the beach again."

"Me too." said Ray.

"Same here." agreed Bob.

"Yeah!" I tried my best to sound excited, but I really had no intention of going.

"Well then," I could feel Frank looking at me, "I'll go too. Since everyone is."

Bullshit. Since _I_ was. Not to sound arrogant or anything, but it was true.

Mikey drove us home, and I carried all of our sandy stuff to the laundry room. I felt it was the least I could do. Ray, Frank and I were sitting on the seat where Frank and I had been the night before, I felt bad for poor Ray. He had no idea.

The rest of the guys showered up and changed into their swim trunks. I decided that I had to do something drastic to get alone with Frank again. I don't condone forceful vomiting in any way, but I had to put my beliefs aside temporarily.

Venturing to the kitchen, I tried to think of the most disgusting combination of food I possibly could. I recalled Mikey saying that we had loads of food, so I opened the fridge and grabbed mustard, mayonnaise and a Caramilk bar. Plugging my nose, I took a spoonful of the mixed mayo and mustard along with pieces of the chocolate. And, both fortunately and unfortunately, I was right. I had to rush to the bathroom to make sure I didn't puke all over the kitchen.

Ray was the one to find me hunched over the toilet, thank God. Ray would take it more seriously than the rest of the guys. Except Frank, but I didn't want him to find me. It'd kill my plan.

"Jesus, Gerard! Are you okay?"

"Guuuuhhhh…" I gurgled.

"You're staying home. If you took in any saltwater you'd puke again."

"But Raaaaaaaaay!" I had to whine and be persistent to sell my performance.

"No, you'll stay."

"Ass."

"Shut your mouth." Ray rolled his eyes and walked out. I began to brush my teeth when I heard Ray telling the others that I wouldn't be at the beach with them. Frank, of course, was the first to come in.

"Gee? What's the matter?"

I spat out the minty mouthful I had. "Faked sick." I winked at him.

"Why?!"

"Because," I regretted that I had to say the next words, "I want to be alone with you today."

I saw Frank's big eyes widen. If it was surprise or delight I couldn't tell. "Why?"

The naivety of the twenty something. Priceless. "Why were we alone last night?"

"Oooooooh." Frank nodded, smiling slightly.

What, exactly, possessed me to like Frank was beyond me, but I did. And I had an odd desire to be with him. Though Lindsey was never far from my mind, Frank was always there. Always.

"Yeah." I picked up the toothbrush and picked up brushing at my top row of teeth. I'll admit, I was checking Frank out in the mirror. He was in swim shorts with no shirt, revealing all of his tattoos. Good lord. I envied Frank, he actually had the balls to get pierced and tattooed. I'm afraid of needles.

"You know," Frank got this little smirk on his face, "you look really adorable with a toothbrush hanging out of your mouth."

"Do I?" I enunciated clearly because toothbrushes hinder one's speaking ability when in the mouth.

"Mm, yeah." Frank slipped an arm around my wait.

"Well," I emptied the foam formerly known as Colgate into the sink and rinsed my mouth, "you can really pull off a swimsuit."

Frank spun me around despite his height. It was probably because I wanted him to.

I bent over slightly, anticipating what may happen. I was right, he stood up straighter and kissed me, then said the cheesiest thing that nobody wants to hear after a kiss.

"Mm. Minty."

I shoved Frank against the wall, gently, of course. "Lame." I smiled widely.

Frank looked scared. I suppose I could be Big Bad Gerard if I wanted, much as I tried not to.

"Shhh." I cooed, "It's nothing to be scared of. I won't hurt you, I promise."

Frank grinned. He knew instantly that I was quoting myself. Ever the self-promoter, I was. Frank slipped his arm around my waist once more but lowered it. His arm was around my belt now, and I tried to steady my breathing.

"Guys?" Mikey asked from the doorway.

Frank slapped my ass, making me jump a bit. "It's gone! That fly was really starting to creep me out."

"Thanks, buddy." I smiled angrily. I was pissed off that I didn't get warning, but happy that Frank complied to my rough side.

"What're you doing in here?" he asked with the confused face he wore so often when we were kids.

"Well, Gerard got sick and I volunteered to stay home with him." Frank offered, squeezing my hand so Mikey couldn't see.

"Oh. That sucks. You sure, 'cause we're leaving."

"I'm sure."

"Alright, feel better, 'Rardy."

"I will, thanks." I replied.

With that, Mikey walked out of the room and Frank and I eventually heard the car doors slam and the engine rev.

"So we're alone." I stated the obvious.

"Yep."

"Would you want to go somewhere that's not the bathroom? I just puked in here like four minutes ago and it's sort of raunchy to me."

"Oh! Yeah, no, go ahead." Frank motioned to the door.

I went out and asked Frank to show me his bedroom. I'd never seen it and I was anxious to see how he kept it.

"You sure? It's not the cleanest place ever."

"Yeah. I want to see it."

"Alright." Frank sighed and took me to the room at the end of the hall that belonged to him.

It was normal, kind of dreary. I liked it. It was pretty cool. The blinds were drawn and I was trying to make out the shapes of the room. I flicked a light on and the room looked exactly like mine.

"Huh." I remarked, nodding and pouting out my bottom lip to show interest.

"Yeah, it's dismal. I know. Should we go to the living room?"

"Sure." I led the way to the more brightly lit room with the couches and television.

I gotta say, Frank wasted no time getting right to the point. He pulled the bed out of the larger couch and shoved me onto it.

"You slut!" I yelled, laughing.

"Fuck off." Frank almost instructed, peeling off his shirt.

"Fuck you." I bit my bottom lip, knowing that it drove Frank mad, and that it would end any little minor fight we'd had.

Frank crawled on top of my and smothered my face with his. It was relatively a repeat of the night before. Clothes off, and I was very liberal with the bellybutton kisses to make sure Frank was ready enough. We found out that my 'spot' was my collarbone, on the right side. So, the deviant that he is, Frank paid special attention to that. It was like he took it upon himself to do anything that would make me moan. And that was quite a lot. I wanted control again, so I managed to flip Frank around on his stomach and, after so many years, we finally, _finally _fucked. And that was the one time I didn't think about Lindsey.


	6. 6

"The hell?!"

I opened my eyes and rolled over on the pullout to face the other three guys that I hadn't slept with. Shit, shit, shit. I knew I shouldn't have fallen asleep! Though the workout Gerard gave me was impossible not to be tired from… I grinned thinking about it, in spite of my current situation.

My movement woke Gerard and I heard a thud. He hit his head on the bed; I knew that much without looking.

Ray was the one whose voice woke me up, his face looking like I'd just told him I quit the band to be a cabaret dancer.

Mikey's face was more apprehensive, like he was shocked, but still trying to figure the situation out.

Bob surprised _me_, ironically. He looked satisfied with himself. Or the sight of Gerard and I, tangled in a blanket, pale legs intertwined. Bob was one for 'I-told-you-so'.

"H-hey, um, guys?" Mikey mustered a small smile. Good guy.

"Hi…" I trailed off, dragging out the 'I'.

"Mind telling us what the hell you're doing?" Ray demanded, unlike him.

"Well," Gerard sat up, dragging the blanket with him to cover himself, making me shift my position. "We _were _sleeping just five seconds ago… and before that, we were having sex." he shrugged, so chill about all of this, while I was planning an escape route.

"Huh." Mikey looked like he was absorbing the new information quite well.

I felt awkward, completely naked except for a blanket that Gerard had the better end of. "So that's that." Bob finally spoke.

"I guess." I shrugged.

"But," Gerard said, raising his pointer finger like he was making an important announcement, "it was a one-time thing."

I tried to not let my face visibly fall. I hoped he was lying to them. I'd rather it not be a one-time thing. I'd like it to be a countless-time thing, actually.

"Now, can you kinda leave the room? I can't really get up." Gerard motioned with his head to his lower half. "Frank can stay, but for you guys, it could get awkward."

I shivered. So Gee didn't mind if I saw him naked. Cool! Ugh, why was I excited at that? I had to be psychotic. Because I wasn't gay. What other options were there? I couldn't think of any.

The other three in the band shuffled away and, once he saw they were safely out of eyeshot, Gerard slid off the bed and looked for his pants. I found myself checking him out before he stepped into his trademark black skinnies with the hole in the thigh. Though I instantly regretted it, because, much as I liked his body, seeing Gerard fully exposed like that caused me to get an all-to-familiar stirring between my legs, only this time, I didn't have a pair of pants to cover it up, and a blanket doesn't do much.

I cursed under my breath, but Gerard heard it. The sight of him shirtless, looking at me with those hungry eyes of his, was about all I could take. He smirked at me, and I couldn't move.

"Really, Frank? I thought we had a little more self-control than that."

I gulped. "Well, when I see you, I forget what self-control is. As you can see."

"Mm." Gerard nodded. "I suppose, if you needed a little help with that, I could uh…"

Staring at him, not once breaking the lock my eyes had on his, I moved the blanket away, exposing myself. Gerard shoved me back and took to his tongue maneuvers I loved so much. I had to let a moan slip out, causing him to look up at me. "Shhh! If they hear you, they'll walk in."

"I don't care, just keep going."

Instinctively, I reached down and entwined my fingers with his hair. He was letting it grow out a bit, I liked that.

I fought back an almighty roar as he finished me off, though I was almost convulsing. I'm completely idiotic when I'm doing stuff like that.

Gerard gulped and grimaced. I could tell that it didn't taste very pleasant. "I, uh," I panted, "owe you one."

"Don't mention it. You're cute when you're moaning and whatnot."

"Back at you."

Gerard smiled at me, threw his shirt on, and walked out of the room, leaving me there, breathless. I could get used to that.

Eventually, I got up and got dressed, and searched for Gerard. I kind of wanted to find out what the hell I meant to him. I mean, now I knew he loved me too, but was I just a hot random fuck? Was there more?

"Gee?" I called, randomly searching the hallways.

"In here!" I heard him shout back.

"Where's 'here'?"

"My room!"

I jogged over to the last door on the right to meet Gerard. He was laying there, arms behind his head, one leg up, staring at the ceiling. I had to consciously keep myself from drooling.

"Hey." he smiled.

"Hi there." I meandered timidly to the bed.

"Siddown." Gerard motioned to the foot of the bed.

I practically leaped onto it and sat down cross-legged, facing him. "So… what's up?" I'm not one for intelligent conversation starters.

"Not much," he shrugged, "thinking."

"About what?" I was suddenly curious.

"Oh, stuff. You, mostly."

"What about me?"

"Eh? Lots of different things. How you make me feel, how cute you are when you're underneath me, and how you are fucking my mind up."

I smiled at the first two thoughts, proud of myself, but frowned at the last one. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, no! Frankie, it's nothing to be sorry for. I just meant that all I can focus on is you. You, you, you. Not that I don't _mind_, it just kind of gets in the way, you know?"

"Oh, yeah. I think about myself all the time! My sexiness interferes with _everything _I do! I cannot cut a break." Gerard nudged me with his foot and I laughed. "But no, I get it. You're on my mind quite a bit, too."

Gerard smiled and flushed a little bit. "Especially after today."

"Yep. So, about that, what're we gonna do?"

"Good question. Do you know? Because I have no fucking idea."

"That makes two of us." I played with the back part of my lip ring.

"Well, here. Would you like to do it again sometime?" Gerard's eyes suddenly turned hopeful.

I looked around the room, modesty suddenly kicking in. "Um," I chewed on my lip. "Yeah."

Gerard sighed in relief. "Good!"

"I take it that means you do, too?"

"Mhm." he nodded, smiling.

"Thank _God_."

"Tonight."

"What?!"

"You asked if I wanted to do it again. I said yeah. And I want to do it again tonight. You can even be on top, if you want. More work, but it feels better." Gerard said, quietly. Modesty is contagious.

"Cool."

We sat there in silence, but not an awkward one. Gerard and I were both in our own little worlds, thinking thoughts of possibility. And, I don't know about him, but I was thinking of ways to get us alone.

Suddenly, Gerard pushed himself up off the backboard of the bed and kissed me. I happily obliged and put my hand on his neck, pulling him closer. He dug his fingers into my thigh, the rough little shit. In response, I dug my fingernails into his neck. He let out a groan into my mouth, of pain or pleasure I wasn't sure. I think he left it up to my interpretation. I knew he was getting into it when he moaned a lot more, so I repeated licking the roof of his mouth. I couldn't keep from laughing, I had no idea why.

Gerard pulled away, the last thing I wanted, but he was laughing, too. "What's so funny?"

"I don't know!" I fell back, in a fit of my trademark giggles.

"Shut the fuck up and let me kiss you." Gerard was hovering his face over mine. I pressed my lips shut, and with great difficulty, managed to stop laughing. Gerard did like he said, and kissed me. My hands remained at my sides until he guided them where he wanted them. One at his waist and one on the back of his head. Huh. He did what he liked to feel. His hands, however, were pinning my shoulders to the bed. I was guessing he liked to dominate.

"Duuuuuuuude." we heard Mikey say from the doorway. I'd forgotten to close the fucking door!

Gerard sat up abruptly and rand a hand through his hair. "Hi."

Mikey waved, looking bemused.

"Listen, Mikes, we'd really like it if you'd keep it zipped about this."

He nodded. "Uh, anyways, we were all wondering if you two would want to come with us for supper tonight."

I caught the briefest little smile on Gerard's face before he turned solemn. "Nah. I was gonna stay in. I still don't feel very well."

"And you know how I worry." I said, dreamily, to the ceiling.

"Yeah. Okay. Feel better, Gee." I could hear the suspicion in Mikey's voice. I grinned because it was rightful suspicion.

I stretched out on the bed, me still being on my back. Gerard was still sitting up and I could tell that he wanted to make sure we were absolutely alone before he made his move. He and I are both terribly noisy with each other. Well, when we were able to be without any fear of getting caught.

Eventually, we heard all of them leave and I pounced on Gerard. Though I was kind of hurt when he shoved me off. "In a little while."

"Why?" I pouted.

"Because. I want to…" he paused. "Well, I don't even know. But not right now, okay?"

"Fine." I sat back. "Then what are we gonna do?"

"Whatever you want to do."

"But I wanna-"

"_Aside _from that."

I thought for a second. Hm. What did I want to do that didn't involve romance with Gerard in any way. I drew a blank. "Got me." I shrugged.

"Well…" Gerard pursed his lips. God, I wanted to kiss him. Those pursed lips on mine, him begging me for more. I would give him more, but only because I wanted it, too. He'd shove me backwards, hurting me a little, but I wouldn't care. I'd forget about the whole domination thing because I'd want him so bad. He'd undo my belt and-

"How 'bout it?" he asked. Shit, I'd been thinking about fucking him, so I didn't take to _listening _to him. Frank, you horny, horny bastard.

I said the only thing that I could. "Umm, sorry, what?"

Gerard rolled his eyes. "I _said_, why don't we walk around a bit."

"Oh, yeah, sure." I hopped off the bed, wincing in pain. Sexual fantasies had an unfortunate side effect, as you well know. And, as you also know, the jeans issue.

Gerard laughed. "I can't help you _again_. Sorry, one a day. That's about all the come I can handle." he stated, matter-of-factly, patting his stomach.

"Nah, it's okay. I'm easily excitable."

"I see that."

"Okay, now you're just mocking me."

"I like mocking you, though. You get all defensive."

"What else am I supposed to do?" I crossed my arms.

"God, could you be any cuter?" he asked. I smiled and shook my head. "Show-off."

"You have that smile. I can't compete with that!"

"You are, right now." he grinned.

"Whatever." I played mad and pretended to storm out. Like I had expected, Gee came running after me. Hopefully he'd always be that way.


	7. 7

Frank didn't know why I was hesitating, or why I wanted to take the walk. I was hesitating because I'd never been a bottom. Back when I was all artsy and a drinker, I had definitely experimented, but I always said I was a top. They didn't ask me questions, and I never said otherwise. So, I needed a good, relaxed mindset. And what better way to get that than find something that turns me on? Hence the walk. I was gonna find a secluded, yet still public, place for Frank and I. Yeah, doing it where people could see, or at least _hear_,got me off a lot quicker.

He wasn't saying anything, just latching his fingers onto mine, which I didn't mind. The sun was going down, with such gorgeous colors. You haven't seen a sunset until you've seen it on the unpolluted coast. I sighed.

"What?" Frank asked.

"Nothing. The sunset's just pretty." I didn't care that I sounded kind of girly.

Frank turned to look at it. "Yeah." He grinned up at me.

Without giving him time to think about it, I leaned down and kissed him forcefully. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Being topped by Frank. I heard him sigh, a sign that he was contented and into the kiss we were enraptured with. I relaxed a bit, too. I felt his hand slide in my back pocket and that got me nervous all over again. Crap. Frickin' Frank; he didn't even know how neurotic he was making me. _Okay, Gee. Focus. _I put my hand on Frank's waist, pulling him closer to me. I thought entirely about how good it felt to be with him, because I didn't have many other appealing thoughts. He moved his lips up to my ear and whispered in it. I almost lost it right then and there. "Gerard," he breathed, lips brushing against my ear, "we're gonna have to stop."

"Why?" I whispered to the absence of Frank's face.

"Because I won't make it to tonight."

I responded by kissing him more fervently than before, feeling him almost burst through his pants. Then, as suddenly as I started, I stopped and shoved him away. I loved frustrating Frank. It was so much fun! Yes, I'm a tease. Can't live with us, can't live without us. I started walking faster, grinning to myself. I knew that Frank could barely keep up with my stride if I tried making it bigger than usual.

"Gee!"

I spun on my heel. "Yeeeeeees?"

"Wait!"

I crossed my arms, watching Frank scurry up to my side. "What was that for?"

"What was what for?"

"The whole stopping kissing me thing."

"I didn't want you to shoot in your pants. Plus, you told me to stop."

"I never blow a load when I shouldn't. And I was over exaggerating."

"Well now I know that you're stoked for tonight." I teased.

"You fucker."

"I'm a Frank Fucker, though." I quipped.

Frank broke out in a smile that I returned without even thinking about it. That stupid, cute idiot. His eyes gave a puppy a run for its money in an adorable competition. We continued walking, me keeping careful guard for a place where I'd be confident enough to be with Frank. He was talking about stuff, but I didn't hear my name in it so I didn't think that I needed to listen. He didn't seem to notice I wasn't listening. That was good.

I finally noticed this nice little spot. It was under a diving dock, but the tide had gone out so we'd be safe. I'd lay down on my shirt so I wouldn't get sand burn anywhere that sand shouldn't burn. "Hey, Frank?" my voice cracked a little.

"Yeah?" he was still beyond peppy. How great. I got to be nervous out of my mind, and he got to be the poster boy for excitement.

"How about we do it over there?" I nodded towards the dock.

"Do what where?"

"Let me rephrase that. You could fuck me under the dock over there." I ran a trembling hand through my hair. Why, _why_, didn't I take my smokes?! I was partially shaking from nerves, and partly from temporary nicotine withdrawal. Damnit, I looked like I had a disease.

Frank's eyes got wide. "Like, where everyone can see?"

"Naw! Not everyone. Just people standing here. They'll naturally wonder what it is when they hear me," I bent down to his ear level, "_moaning your name_."

Frank made a noise with his throat that sounded a bit like a puppy crying. I think that was his way of whining. I took his hand in mine, tracing the 'Hallo' in 'Halloween' he had tattooed on his fingers. He started to laugh. "Frankie's ticklish?"

"I guess he is."

I looked around to see who was there, but unfortunately no one was. Oh well. I'd be loud. People would eventually come around. "Come on!"

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now."

"Uh, alright."

It was nice to know that Frank was unsure as well. Once we got into a half-decent making out position under the dock, I didn't waste any time. I pulled Frank into me so I could kiss him in the way that made him limp and vulnerable. He seemed to like it. I took off his shirt and he undid his pants himself. I took some rubbers out of my pocket. I grabbed them on the way out of the house. I figured we'd need 'em. I kind of chucked them on the sand in front of Frank, hoping that he'd take his pick. He took the hint and grabbed the one with the most brightly coloured wrapper. Joy.

Though I can't say he wasn't considerate, he had no idea that I was a first timer having something in my back door. He must've thought I was an old pro. If only that were the case. Now I know how I made him feel, and never again will I ever be on top with intentions of getting it over with. Because, oh my good fucking _God_;it hurts for the first little bit. And the fingering part just feels weird. I decided right then that I was never, ever being a bottom. Ever again. What with nothing to grip onto, I was forced to get my goddamn hands full of wet sand, something I hated, but it was worth it about half a minute in. Frank was really into it, moaning all sorts of things, mainly curse words and my name, usually in the same breath. I don't think I was much better, but I managed to see that we gained a small crowd. Mainly of teenaged girls, I thought that was weird. Like, since when were fifteen year olds such pervs? Yeah, yeah, I was the one getting laid under the dock, but they were the ones standing there. This isn't free porn, kids! There weren't any homophobes, at least ones that had the guts to yell at us. That was pretty good, because afterwards, I was too tired to fight anybody.

Frank rolled off me when it was evident we were both done. Then, it was no big, we swam around in the water to wash the sweat- among other things- off. I was feeling ten times better, and that all my nervousness was for a little bit of pain. I laughed at myself as I was diving around. "What?" Frank asked, a wide smile plastered on his face.

"Wanna know something?"

"What?"

"That was my first time, you could say. On bottom."

"Seriously?! Shit! I didn't know, Gee. I would have gone easier." Frank opened his arms and I hugged him back.

"Nah, it's okay. I didn't want to be this like, burden. Plus, I'm okay. I lived."

"But now I feel like shit."

"Don't!" I grinned and kissed him lightly, wrapping my arms around him. Fuck it if people were looking at our cute little moment.

I felt his lips turn up under mine, making me smile wider. What? His smile is contagious. That moment, in the water, reminded me of this one time that Lindsey and I- Ooooooooh no. What the fuck?! How could I forget about Lindsey?! _Ugh, what a pig I am. I should be regretting this kiss, I should be calling her up right now and telling her what happened. Maybe she'd let me stay with her, not that I deserve it. Regardless, I should be talking to her! _So… why didn't I want to?

It wasn't long before Frank was grinding his hips into mine. It felt entirely different since there was no barrier of clothes. "Frank?" I broke off the kiss for a second to talk, "What're you doing?"

"Making it up to you."

It was hard to think clearly with Frank gyrating his lower half against mine. "Making what up to me?"

"For being such a beast back there."

"No, it's- shit, Frank! It's okay."

Frank, that bastard, laughed at my- well, it wasn't discomfort, per se, but you understand. And, of course, he didn't stop. But it came to the point where I didn't want him to, and I returned the favour. Once again, we got an audience. I don't think Frank noticed, though. He was too busy with other things. But I'm an expert multitasker. He and I both let spew a bunch of swears and groaned each other's names. When it comes to, well, coming, Frank and I are really different. He doesn't say anything, just kind of digs his nails into whatever they were near and shakes a bit. Me, I yell 'fuck' really loud. I think the spectators thought that Frank drowned because he was silent and I swore. I found that kind of funny.

Afterwards, we swam around for a bit until it was fairly dark, and Frank suggested we get out. I didn't want to, as I was just getting a taste for the cold water, but he did have a point. We had to get up really early to get home the next day.

I sighed and reluctantly made my way back to my clothes, dismayed that my shirt was full of sand and other stuff that results from sex. I just put my jacket on, despite the leather being really cold on the inside. I decided to grin and bear the goose bumps. Frank gave them to me on a regular basis.

We walked back in relative silence, Frank making comments on his surroundings like he always does to fill silences, but I was only half-listening, giving a nod and an 'Mm' every now and then. I was too busy thinking of everything that happened in the past two days. First, he'd tried to literally get his hands on me in the water, until we were interrupted by Mikey, and then, that same night, I'd taken to rubbing his thigh to gage a reaction. Then, we talked. We lied. Then, we had sex, then a lovely kiss fest, we fucked again and then again, and then we started walking back to the house. So I had a couple questions. One, what would happen with Frank and I? I barely wanted to think about that. And two, why didn't I think about Lindsey unless I made myself? I shook my head in hopes of clearing my mind, but that really doesn't work.

"What's wrong?" Frank asked, rubbing his thumb on my palm.

"Nah, nothing. I just get weird sometimes."

"Gerard Arthur Way. I've known you long enough to know that you're a terrible liar."

"Frank Anthony Iero! Shut up."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"No." I desperately wanted to, but I wasn't entirely sure what I'd say. So many things were wrong.

"Gerard." Frank tried his best to be stern, but stern and Frank don't go together.

"Frank."

"You're being difficult."

"You're being Victorian." I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, fine." he let go of my hand and migrated to the far left of the street. I hate to admit it, but I felt really lonely really fast. In fact, ugh, this is going to make me sound so horribly Frank-centric, though I suppose I can't be more Frank-centric than I am. I actually did let one stinking little tear roll down my cheek. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Well," I began to explain, in an effort to get Frank near me again, "I don't know what exactly is wrong, so I couldn't tell you. But it has a lot to do with you, and Lindsey, and um…"

Frank took big steps over to me. "And what, Gee?"

I took a deep breath, otherwise pleased that Frank was once again making thumb circles in my hand. "I'm thinking about her less, and you more."

Frank laughed. Oh, he was ever so good at comforting me. "So I'm not the only one?"

"Hmm?"

"I haven't been thinking of my girl that much, either. It's good to know that I'm not the only asshole around here."

I grimaced. Though I turned the corners of my mouth upwards at Frank's twisted attempt to make me feel better. I was lost in pleasant Frankie-esque thoughts, but I was interrupted when he twisted away from me in front of the house. The car was there, so, of course, the guys were back. We couldn't be cute like that around the band. What would they think? Oh, no, Gerard. Not again with the questions.

"Where were you guys?" I heard Bob's voice the second I cracked the door open.

"Oh, nowhere special. We decided to go for a swim." Frank shrugged and squeezed past me to get in, intentionally, of course. Slut.

"Wasn't that cold?" Ray was lounged out on the couch.

"Nah. I'm a prude so I left my shirt on." I smiled, hoping that would sell my lie. I immediately shoved the shirt I was holding behind my back.

"Yeah, so, what'd you guys do?" Frank covered for me.

"We found this kinda cool restaurant." Mikey patted his stomach.

"Awesome." I nodded with mock interest.

"Yeah, did you guys want anything?"

"I think we're good." Frank answered for me.

"Just let us know if you need anything, eh?" Mikey was always hospitable.

"We will." I nodded at the guys before going back to my room to get a good night's sleep before the drive back the next day. I knew for sure I wasn't going to have anything with Frank when we got back, and that made for a really sleepless night.


	8. 8

I had driving duty back to the States the first day. That wasn't much fun. Gerard wasn't talking to me, so I was really not concentrating on the road. I think I almost killed us all… twice. But do you know how hard it is to have this tortured-looking guy that you pretty well love sitting in the seat beside you, not saying a word? It's tough! More than once I tried talking to him, but he pretended he was sleeping. Like I've told him, he's not the best liar. So, I sucked it up and drove for a good eighteen hours. Not all at once, but eighteen hours of silence from Gerard and stupid babbling from the rest wasn't so great.

I found this dive of a motel, off the side of the highway. I figured we were near the border so I thought that my shift was over. Let Gerard get us past country lines. It seemed a reasonable enough idea. Everyone knew what to do when I braked in front of the main building. They got out, stretched, and shook out as they walked in. Mikey did the talking and got us three rooms built for two, since if we got five, the cost would be HUGE. I expected to be rooming with Ray, because Bob didn't like people near him when he slept, and Gerard didn't want anything to do with me. So he'd probably room with Mikey.

As it turned out, I was completely wrong. Bob and Ray got a room together, and Mikey roomed with me. Gerard said he didn't want to have anyone in his room. Drama queen. I didn't have any problem with Mikey, God, no! He was one of my best friends, we just weren't as close as Gerard and I. Well, then again, no one was as close as Gerard and I had been except for like, Jamia.

"So," I stretched out on the couch, "I suppose I'll be seeing you in the morning."

"If you don't want to sleep on the couch, then I can." Mikey shrugged.

"Dude, you're like, eight feet taller than me. Take the bed."

Mikey smirked at me. "Shrimp."

"Beanpole."

"G'night, Frank." Mikey sprawled out on the bed.

"Yeah." I turned over on the lump of a couch. "G'night."

I don't remember what kind of dreams I had in particular, just a lot of horrible stuff. What woke _me_ up was the thud and the pain of me rolling off the couch. Though when I opened my eyes, I wasn't the only one awake. Mikey was there, towering over me. "Dude! Are you okay?"

I rubbed the part of my head that hit the ground and grinned. "I'm not oh-fucking-kay."

Mikey rolled his eyes like I knew he would. It's what I always did when Gerard said that. "Seriously, Frank. You were yelling in your sleep, you must have woken up the whole fuckin' motel. And you must be in a shit load of pain. The fall looked like it hurt."

"Nah. I'm cool." I sat up too fast and all the blood felt like it had been drained from my face. I fell back down, hurting my head again. "Ow."

"Aw, Frank." Mikey sat down with me after turning on a light. "You might have a concussion."

"Fuck me."

"That's not my job. Want me to call Gerard?" Mikey smirked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Ha. You're hilarious."

"Well it's obvious you want him still."

"Is it?" I started getting defensive, despite my nausea and my ever-increasing headache.

"Yeah. That was why you fell off the couch."

"What?" I was more confused than ever.

"Oh, sorry. The head thing. But yeah, you were yelling for him. In your sleep."

"Was not!" Ugh. Yelling made my head hurt.

"Yeah," Mikey laughed, "you were."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww." I squeezed my eyes shut in humiliation.

Just then, Bob and Ray ran in. "Is everything cool? We heard yelling." Ray said.

"Everything's just fine. Frank fell off the couch and he's kind of concussed."

"Oh. Shit, Frank. You alright?" Bob asked.

"Peachy." I tried rolling my eyes but my headache wouldn't allow it.

"'Kay. Well, we're gonna go back to bed." Ray said uncomfortably.

"Cool." Mikey replied and I think he waved.

Mikey was about to go back to bed, but he tapped me on the shoulder. "What?"

"Uh, Frank? Someone's here to see you."

"Huh?" I sat up, once again too fast, and saw Gerard leaning against the door frame in just a pair of pyjama pants, smoking a cigarette. And that was when I passed out.

"Shit, Frankie! Wake up. C'mon, wake up. I'm sorry for making you faint." I heard Gerard's voice above me and I knew the back of my head was in his hands. "Where's Mikey?" I mumbled.

"He took my room. Look, you okay?"

"Never better." Damn that headache! I'd have rolled my eyes so far back into my head-

"You don't look good."

"Gee, thanks. Nice of you."

"That's not what I meant. I meant you look hurt. And like, you look like you're gonna be sick."

"I am hurt, and no, I'm not gonna be sick. I've got the stomach of a-" A wave of nausea cut my sentence short.

"Shhh. It's okay." Gerard stroked my forehead like I'd done to him a few days prior. I almost started to cry, it was so nice of him.

"Why are you here?"

"'Cause I heard you screaming and I heard the thump. I wanted to make sure Mikey didn't kill you, is all."

"That's not all." I was taking a shot in the dark, but I could kind of tell he was hiding something.

"You're right. I wanted to say I was sorry for being such a dick. I'm usually not the kind who kisses and leaves you, but you scare me."

I growled playfully. He laughed and continued. "So you'll have to understand that the reason I've been like that is to protect you. And myself. Mainly myself."

"Well what do we do now?"

"We pretend this never happened. We go back to our wives and back to being friends."

"Oh." I sighed. I felt his hands pressing up on my head so I sat up, slowly this time.

"That doesn't mean we don't have tonight." I saw a mischievous grin spread across Gerard's face.

"Sorry, Gee." I said, my voice practically oozing regret, "I don't feel up to it."

"Okay, that's no big."

Gerard sat next to me and weaved his fingers through mine and stood up gently, pulling me with him. I followed him onto the bed and snuggled up close to him. He occupied himself with running his hand over my ribcage like he so usually did. He rested his head on mine and started singing quietly to me. "Hand in mine, into your icy blues, and then I say to you, we could take to the highway…"

I started to nod off, but Gerard shook me awake. "Sorry, Frankie. We can't have you falling asleep on us."

"Why?" Sleep was starting to sound like a lovely option to me right then.

"People with concussions aren't supposed to sleep for a couple hours. You can sleep all over me while I'm driving, okay?"

"Fine."

"That's my Frankie."

I knew he was only babying me because I was hurt, but I embraced it anyway. I guided my lips up along his neck to find his lips and he kissed me back. I didn't make an effort to get hot and heavy, I just kind of stayed there, attached to his mouth like some sort of parasite. We lay with each other, kissing and talking occasionally, until the sun came up.

"Guess what?" Gerard said with a brightness that made me jump a bit.

"What?"

"You made it!"

"Oh, joy. Can I sleep now?"

Gerard checked the digital clock. "Well, it's been about four hours, yeah, you can sleep."

I closed my eyes and was dead to the world within seconds. Though it seemed like minutes when Gerard shook me awake and informed me I'd been sleeping for about five hours and that we needed to get going. Ugh, dreadful. Just what I needed.

He practically dragged me out to the car and I nodded off once more on his shoulder. I was jolted awake by the sudden braking of the car. I made an odd snorting noise and looked to find that Gerard, Mikey and I were the only ones in the car. It took me a sec to put it together that we were outside of their house. Oh, right. They were living together for a bit. Good, good. At least there was no Lindsey. I couldn't take that.

Gerard's cell phone vibrated so he answered it. "Yeah? Oh, hey, Linds! What's up? Seriously?! Well we're outside, come and see us!"

The door to the house opened and Lindsey popped out, looking happier than I'd ever seen her.

"Okay, Frank, I have about five seconds to say this. I love you, I always have, and I always will. We can't do this because I also love Lindsey and you love Jamia. Please, please understand. I will always be your friend, and if you ever need me for anything, I am honestly only a thought away. My phone's always on, my door's always open."

He pecked me a kiss on the cheek and Mikey groaned from the back. "Shut up!" I yelled.

"A little tense, are we?"

"Little bit."

Gerard opened his door and Lindsey threw herself in his arms. I made a gasping noise at the unexpected lump in my throat. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Frank?"

"Yeah, Mikey?"

"You gonna be alright?"

"No, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"Don't let this get to you too much. If the world works itself out like it should, you'll both be happy."

Before I got the chance to say anything, Mikey climbed out of the car. I decided I should make pleasantries with Lindsey, plus I needed to get to the driver's side in order to get home.

"Hey, Lindsey!" I smiled.

"Frank, hey there!"

"How are you?"

"I'm awesome, yourself?"

"Peachy!" Lindsey had no idea that when I said 'Peachy', I meant extremely shitty. Thank God.

I waved goodbye and slid in the car. I think I exceeded the speed limit the entire way home, maybe it was because Jamia was there and I severely needed a hug. So I red-lined it there, and almost tripped over my own feet walking to the door. I rang the doorbell, because I forgot my stupid fucking key. When Jamia answered the door, she looked surprised to see me. Way to make a husband feel loved. Aw, crap. Way. I hung my head because I could no longer say that word (think it, actually) without getting all depressed.

"Frankie? You okay?"

I barely had to lift my head to see her pretty face. I honestly felt a little bit better. A gorgeous girl that's all yours is more comforting than a gorgeous guy you can never have sometimes. "I'm good, yeah, I've just got a neck cramp. Can I come in?"

Jamia laughed. "Of course! You don't have to _ask_!"

"Really?" I faked surprise. "Nice!"

I stepped into our house and I felt instantly wrapped in this like, blanket of warmth and comfort. I guess I'd get through that messed-up gay tryst I'd had. That was nice to- yuck.

"Jamia?"

"Yeah?"

I laced my fingers through hers like Gerard used to do to me. "What're you cooking?"

Her gorgeous featured were tinted red. "See, I didn't think you were coming home until tonight, so I just made a hamburger for myself."

"Huh." I made a face. "Oh, well. It's good."

"Really?"

"Yep. It'll be like it never happened."

Jamia didn't know that I wasn't talking about food.


	9. 9

I'd been wandering the streets for hours. I didn't want to go back home. Lindsey had to leave that night and I wasn't in a rush to see Mikey. Much as I tried to forget him, Frank was always on my mind. Whenever I closed my eyes, there were his eyes. Whenever anyone spoke to me, there was his voice. God Damnit. I was ruined. My psyche, at least. Hallucinations like that aren't normal, are they? Didn't think so.

I intended to go to Frank's house first, and I did, but he and Jamia were about to go somewhere. I know this because when I was at the end of the street, they were walking to the car, all couple-y. I didn't want to wreck that more than I already had. Jamia, far as I knew, didn't know that her husband was off fucking other women's husbands. That was the way I'd hoped Frank kept it.

I kept walking around, poking into stores. I found a really nice guitar that I thought Frank would love, but when would I give it to him? And, after all, friends don't give just friends expensive Les Paul Standards, do they? Plus, I didn't want to blow like, a thousand dollars on something I'd never use.

So there I was, moseying around this random suburb, when I saw Bob. "Hey!" I yelled.

"Gerard? What're you doing here?"

"Walking. I don't even know where I am."

"Oh, I see. How are you?"

"I'm good."

"I don't mean like, in general. I meant since Frank."

"Oh." I could feel myself frown, even though I didn't want to. "I'm fine, I guess."

"I'm sorry for being such a dick to you guys, eh. I just couldn't get used to it."

I almost laughed at Bob when he hung his head in apology. "Dude," I smiled, "it's fine!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, don't even worry about it. It was kind of a weird experience for everyone."

"Yup."

Bob and I just stood there, not saying anything. I tried to break the silence, but I couldn't think of anything smart or relevant to say.

"You should find him." Bob finally suggested.

"Tried that," I admitted sheepishly. "He and Jamia were going somewhere."

"I bet they're back now. Come on, Gee. Take a chance, eh?"

I smiled widely at Bob's newfound open mindedness. "I'd hug you, but I know you're not into that type of-"

My air supply was cut off by Bob's massive hug. I gasped for air, but he ignored me. By the time he let go, I was doubled over, sure he broke something.

"Sorry. You looked like you needed one of those."

"I did." I managed to choke out once I regained my breath.

"Now, go! You're like, ten blocks away."

"Thanks, Bob."

"Yeah, yeah. Get a move on."

I winked at Bob and walked much faster than usual over to Frank's place. His car was in the driveway, so I thought it was safe to knock on the door. Jamia answered with a smile. "Hey, Gerard!"

"Hey there, Jamia. How are you?"

"I'm good, and you?"

"Good, good. Is Frank around?"

"Yep, come in."

I followed her into the house and my heart started pounding against my chest, as if trying to break out. Frank emerged from the living room, his face absolutely stunned at my presence. "Hiya, Frank. Can I talk to you for a sec? Alone?"

"Um, sure." Frank awkwardly slipped past me with minimal contact and I followed him out the back door. "What?"

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Sorry, how are you?"

"I'm shitty. Yourself?"

"Same."

"Why's that?" I tried to prolong my inevitable speech.

"I've been uh," Frank suddenly flushed a shade of red, "thinking about you a lot."

"Ditto." I tried to sound cool, but I could feel my face heating up.

"What'd you come to say?"

Shit. "That um, I can't really just stay friends with you. I love you too much." My stomach churned.

Frank was silent for a long while. Then he pulled me into an unexpected embrace with all of his might. "I love you, too."

I closed my eyes and breathed in the moment. "I mean this, forever."

**THE END. **


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